The year was 1991.... a young fledgling rock star from Seattle was in pain. A lot of pain. Rigorous touring was not to blame. Soon the young musician realized something was wrong. Very wrong. His wife, that he'd had memories of but never actually met was missing from his life. From that time period in general. Trapped in 2012, she awaits a way back. A way back to change the future... a future that turns into a place with no Kurt Cobain.

A murder plot that turns into the most famous suicide in history, this site is dedicated to the small story of the husband who left a billion clues for the wife who figured them out.

Now her goal is to avenge her husband's death by pinning the murderer's with their crime...

Meanwhile she pours herself into her journal, awaiting the day she is finally reunited with her husband in time.

Letters to Kurt...


Saturday, June 22, 2013

Lithium gets analyzed and Kurt's 'honest truth' in his desired life --


To all you Nirvana fans who are still alive after the school bombing:

I am still pretty shocked that such a big hit like Lithium was written completely about me. I've read some of your supposed ideas online of what you think the song is about... most of you think it's just a take on someone having a 'nervous breakdown'.... yeah right.

Well I am gonna diagnose the whole song for you bastards right here so you will now be aware of its true meaning. It is about hearing my voice and seeing my image in his head, having the opportunity to spend time with me and be with me (his real wife) atleast in his head since I wasn't actually present in his life.

The same way I have had versions of Kurt in my head that I've talked to and spent time with. But the catch is, he is telling me in the song that although the images look and feel like him, and represent him, they are NOT really him so get rid of them by taking the drug lithium -- "I KILL you I'm not gonna crack"... I have been subscribed the drug lithium and it's ceased to help me yet with the voices and images. Thanks, hon. The voices and images can actually simulate having sex so it's been a nightmare -- having them act as though Kurt is being with another woman.

The line, "I'm so ugly, that's okay cause so are you" is referring to the fact that me and Kurt both feel as though we possess the 'ugly gene' and neither one of us felt particularly that attractive growing up and regardless of what we look like now... we still feel unattractive on the inside. I truly feel and I believe that as gorgeous as Kurt became as he got older, he had absolutely NO clue about it and still felt as though he was the ugly duckling in the world.

On Hole's Live Through This album he spouts off about Courtney's obssession with looks and her passion for "anorexic magazines"... it's almost as if he was referring to her as a snob and alhough I'm more attractive than Courtney physically, he thought I was more on the same page as him when it came to being and feeling unattractive to a point where looks weren't the first thing on our mind as a couple. He states -- "we look the same, we talk the same... we are the same we are the same...."

In the song he also states, "I'm so excited I can't wait to meet you there", this I've mentioned before and I believe he may be referring to the fact that, just like me, one of the voices he heard in his head identified themselves as "god" (he also wrote the line "I'm not scared, light my candles, in a daze cause I've found GOD.") And just as the voice I was conversing with in my head that identified themselves as "god" told me on numerous occasions that if I were to committ suicide, I would be teleported to a different dimension where Kurt is still alive and well and then we could be together. I fear that "god" may have told him the same thing and that is what the line "I can't wait to meet you there" was referring to. Meeting me in a different dimension.

I was close to killing myself several times living for this belief. I sincerely hope Kurt didn't fall for it and take the plunge for that reason. He also states, "I'm so horny, that's okay my will is good" this is revolving around the fact that he was needy for me (his true wife, yes it's true assholes) so needy for me all the time that it was hard to handle. "my will is good" is a very beautiful 'old-fashion' way of saying, "It's okay to be this turned on by the situation because it's for her and only her and I love her dearly".... Don't hate! Just kidding.

"I like it I'm not gonna crack" -- conversing with you in my mind.
"I love you I'm not gonna crack" -- he truly did love me more than anything assholes.
"I miss you I'm not gonna crack" -- although we've never truly met in person, we knew we were each other's spouses and possess the type of yearning for each other that is only possessed by that type of relationship.
"I kill you I'm not gonna crack" -- although it was great to communicate with me in his mind, he knew it wasn't really me and he knew it was too distracting to live like that so he had to take lithium to get rid of it.

"I'm not gonna crack" is referring to the act of going completely crazy being away from me his whole life. Which also brings up the line "I'm so lonely, that's okay I shaved my head" referring to exactly how distraught and alone he felt without me being there for him in his life.

NOW you know what Lithium is about and understand that his 'relationship' with Courtney was NOT warranted and he did NOT consider her his true 'wife'.

Now I will elaborate on what we would have wanted as a whole if we were let to be together like we were suppose to be. After the release of In Utero and Hole's Live Through This album (that I would have performed if I was there) Kurt would have relished in the fact of stepping out into the world with me and worshipped the opportunity of presenting me as his real wife. If you notice a lot of his images, he looks completely tired and warn down from missing me.

We would have either chose two things: to just banish together from existence and fly off to a deserted island somewhere and live happily ever after together or Kurt would have dumped Nirvana and went completely solo as an electric guitarist without a band on center stage (making history and changing music), like my own little blonde Elvis, and perform the songs that I write for him. I'm telling you guys, he would have been HUGE. A REAL LEGEND. Starting off his career with "Rock-N-Roll Glory"..... Someone give me my rock-n-roll glory. I just want my fuckin' rock-n-roll glory!

The end. God I miss him.

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