"I know it. I can feel it. I know it enough to believe it. I can't see it. But I can feel it. I know it enough to believe it. "
IS THERE SOMETHING COSMIC THAT SPRINGS THROUGH DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS ON EARTH?? SOMETHING THAT COULD CAUSE A CHAIN REACTION THAT CAUSES TWO LINKED SOULS TO SENSE THE OTHER'S EXISTENCE? HIS DEATH TOOK PLACE IN 1994, She LIVES IN 2013, BUT SHE SAYS 1991 IS STILL GOING ON NOW, the 1991 that has ALREADY BEEN. ALL IT TAKES IS A MATTER OF SHIFTING OVER TO THAT DIMENSION AND THEY CAN FINALLY BE TOGETHER.
The year was 1991.... a young fledgling rock star from Seattle was in pain. A lot of pain. Rigorous touring was not to blame. Soon the young musician realized something was wrong. Very wrong. His wife, that he'd had memories of but never actually met was missing from his life. From that time period in general. Trapped in 2012, she awaits a way back. A way back to change the future... a future that turns into a place with no Kurt Cobain.
A murder plot that turns into the most famous suicide in history, this is the true story of a small town boy who worked to become a famous rock star in order to inform his wife of a different time of his deathly demise. A small-time story about a simple husband who spent more time planting a billion not so simple clues to the wife who figured them out...
Now her goal is to avenge her husband's death by pinning the murderer's with their crime...
She does all this while awaiting a way back to the time and place she actually belongs.
The man who was plagued as the last true living rock star from the 60's, 70's 80's and beyond named Kurt Cobain from the 90's era, named big for inventing the whole grunge movement, was more than just a rock guitarist in a band called Nirvana. Or merely a 'heroin junkie' who fell on suicide as a way 'out'... He was a man who would have given anything -- even his very own life -- for one moment to experience true love.
Cobain's heartbroken true love who he's never had the pleasure of meeting in person, implies he was not only a genius for the crafty way he planted so many clues to convince her his death was murder rather than suicide, but begs to offer that he must have been clairvoyant too for all the ways he knew what outcome was to fall upon us.
He really truly wanted desperately to be there for me in a future that we might get to share together, he wouldn't have left me for suicide if he knew we had a chance... any chance.
Meanwhile she searches endlessly for a portal to go back to the husband she's never gotten to kiss, while taking on billionaire David Geffen of Geffen Records with an ultimatum -- a check for 200 million dollars -- which is what his record sales peaked to after his sudden death, or a check for a billion -- what his life was worth to her -- or jail time for his murder.
It started with the song Love Buzz. A young green musician from a small town named Aberdeen -- somewhere in the middle of Washington state in the Northwest -- forms his very first rock band in order to attract that true love he is already sure is out there waiting for him. He wails into the microphone at the tender age of 22,
"Would you believe me when I tell you, you are the queen of my heart..." This song later became no such hit but rather a major cult classic that was later abandoned all together by the band but the meaning behind the song still lingers. The lady in question who admits to feeling her own personal love buzz her whole life for the one and only musician in question (from the start to finish of his) but spent half hers denying her feelings for him so long because he's been dead for the majority of it.
Kurt Cobain, who seemingly was the golden grail of creating music altogether during his time, changes the impression of what it is for a man to truly love a wife when he decided to forgo a glorified rock career with songs of his choosings for "fun" or music's sake and instead went for dedicating all his time to creating a whole career of songs that were poignantly put together for the main purpose of being clues and only clues to strictly inform his soulmate and true love from a different era -- meant to be from his own -- that he was to be murdered and he truly did love her, and to not, for her emotion's sake, believe the suicide verdict.
Cobain's true widow, Rose Phoenix-Cobain, known for her activism and her particularly special cause that she's been faithful to her whole life, fittingly -- SUICIDE PREVENTION OUTREACH -- is also the unknown half-sister of late movie star River Phoenix -- also from the 90's era whom as well managed to make a major impact on that particular generation, was often compared to James Dean, and had a heart of gold just before it exploded after a massive heroin overdose took his life at the tender age of twenty-three on October 31st, 1993 outside the famous Viper Room located on L.A.'s Sunset Strip.
Another event that Phoenix-Cobain attributes to her lack of being there for him. They both turned to heroin as a way to zonk out and numb the pain of the love we all shared, and the lacking of me being there to spread it to them in spades. Rose isn't exactly sure of the connection and the circles that Kurt and River ran in and how well they may had known each other, as Phoenix was an avid guitar player as well and had his own grunge rock band named Alexa's Attic, and Phoenix-Cobain shutters to think that they both may have came off as if they knew they were both in competition for her heart as Phoenix's movies also have an eery truth behind each one that relates to something Phoenix-Cobain has been through in her life without them.
Rose is oddly charmed and romanced by the idea that her husband and half-brother might have been oddly aware that they could have been distraught and both close to death on numerous occasions because they were missing the same person. River had once admitted that he was "charmed" by the actress Sam Mathis because she reminded him of his "sister" that he loved dearly.
As luck would have it and by way of happenstance, Kurt actually took specific time to discuss and mourn the death of young River as well as dedicate a song to him at a particular show by announcing -- "This song is for River Phoenix..." as he poignantly strums his accoustic to the cover "Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam". But despite the fact that Rose also had a brother in need of her, she still jumps straight back to her husband's needs -- she made several statements that the love she and Cobain share is nothing short of extraordinary --
"We've been together our whole lives but have never met, but our hearts have been faithful"... She suggests a line from a hit song Lithium where he already speaks of loving and missing her like an old happy couple who have just been away from each other for a long time, like away on a trip... "I love you I'm not gonna crack. I miss you I'm not gonna crack"...
Cobain, famous for suicide but not suicidal has only spoken of suicide once in his own music and used that as a reference to his wife in time as a last resort to being away from each other -- "look on the bright side is suicide" if she can't take being away from him any more, and then his backing it up by saying "I'm on your side."
She reasons there is a 1% chance that he did kill himself because he was in so much pain from being away from her that it was apparent in one particular song that sounds as though he was writing the whole thing off between them as in he was rejected, entitled "I Hate Myself and I Want To Die", with a very bitterly beautiful phrase that reads "Broken heart and broken bones, if you can imagine the way a castrated horse feels...Just another quirky cliched phrase.... you're the one I wanna refill"...
this song had such an effect on Phoenix-Cobain that she plans on getting the line : "you're the one I wanna refill" tatooed on her arm. The song particularly leaves a bad taste in her mouth because she suggests it sounds as though he was at wits end with trying to impress her, and when she still didn't come for him -- "Not because I didn't love him," she states, "but because I was only sixteen at the time of his death and didn't figure it out until twenty years later. But if he did kill himself for that reason," She strongly enforces, "He would have left a lot better note than the phony, heartless one that was left at the scene that has no mention of her unless he meant the "goddess of a wife" statement who "sweats ambition and empathy" because I cannot imagine him referring to Courtney Love with that last description... her only ambition was to use him and bleed him dry, take all his money and fame and the only empathy she had was for herself.
Rose also believes there is a strong possibility Kurt plotted to fake his own death to escape his murderers because several lyrics and photos imply he was still in control of the situation with one particular lyric directed at her that reads "If you live through this with me I swear that I will die for you and if you live through this with me I swear that I will die for you" which she believes sounds as if he was planning something vital that could go severely wrong. Or she sites that it could have also been a really romantic suggestion referring to watching him marry another woman in Hawaii and fathering her child.
The lyrics devoted to her are spread sporadically throughout a couple albums that read more like secretive S.O.S messages as a last resort than for romance sake. It's as if his whole purpose on earth was to let her know he loved her tremendously too and that he would be taken from her foully, rather than the goal of becoming a successful trailblazer in his musicial field which he didn't much care for.
His last album was seemingly thrown together with one nice song directed to the strife devoted to his relationship with his father. The only other relative in the whole bunch next to his grandpa on his father's side who belives it was also murder. Phoenix-Cobain has also went out of her way to contact his grandpa by sending him a copy of a book she authored entitled "Kurt Cobain makes Love after Death" Leland Cobain still mourns the young Cobain's death every day by answering letters from grieving fans and swears on his wife's grave that it was murder as well. The album ends with the song "All Apologies" which at first Cobain writes to his audience as if he is apologizing to everyone for falling in line as the typical "Suicide guy" but then throws in the big line:
"I'm MARRIED. BURIED."
Which goes to say that it is no stunner that his scorned wife Courtney Love was clearly behind the whole murder plot, and was even in some hot water when a gentleman came out to the media in 1996 with the clear claim that Ms. Love offered him only fifty thousand dollars to "blow her husband's head off" and "make it look like suicide." Rose is apalled by that number .... FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS?? That's all he was worth to her?? Well his life was worth over a BILLION dollars to me. And I'll still never get to kiss those pretty lips.
Kurt did relay in several different interviews that he feared for his own life and was in constant search of protection, and the desire to own so many guns, shotguns mainly, played a part in his need to protect himself from harm.
Remembering this scenario, Phoenix-Cobain relays a line of dialogue she hears replay in her memory that appears to be Kurt's voice as he witnesses the murderers coming for him -- "Shit. Here they come. I practiced for this so many times and I -- don't even have a gun...."
How bad ass and sexy is that... I'd love to see him wield a gun. Enough photos set the stage for it this scenerio, then he writes a line that makes him and the scenerio more famous in his hit song "Come as you are" from as way back as '91... where he wails into the mike "And I swear that I don't have a gun! no I don't have a gun, no I don't have a gun -- honey! I don't have a gun!"
The picture that flashes as you enter Rose's blog online shows a serious Cobain getting down to business with a famous shot of his holding a shotgun inside his mouth, while the guys in his band smile and carry on as though they are in on it too... smiling to her as well, while her faithful husband reiterates "Here I am honey. Here's the pic. This is the way I die... but I swear I didn't do it!!" There is also another line in his heart-shaped box song that Courtney likes to brag is about her vagina which Kurt describes as a "magnet tarpit trap" he concludes "meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet". Rose believes he is spouting off about Courtney being a man-eating killer and that he plans to forgive no one for the outcome of his death or the belief that he typically fell to "suicide". Another piece of verse from the song Dumb describes a lot as well, directed to Rose again: "the soul is cheap" this I love because all I ever wanted was his soul and I believe he is suggesting it is free to me... then he continues -- "lesson learned wish me luck sooth the burn wake me up....." "Lesson learned? Marrying the wrong woman, getting himself killed? Sooth the burn?? of heroin hitting his system? Wake me up?? He did not want to die!" Rose exclaims, no way.
Another point she brings up regarding the song Heart-Shaped Box and its music video... "He actually depicts me as a little girl hopping and skipping around in the video as he wails into the camera at me, that little girl is to signify the difference in our age rage... and it is astounding how similar to my baby photos she looks. It is surreal the things he knew about me... I'm stunned."
Phoenix-Cobain's love and affection for Cobain is above and beyond the extreme call of duty than the usual widow by her plans to make demands as special as getting the word "contradictionary" and phrase "contradictionary lies" that Cobain created to describe himself into the Merrium-Webster dictionary -- to having the beautifully chosen outfit he wore during a nationally televised music event erected and encased in the lobby of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. She states:
"It doesn't get more flattering then calling a chosen line of clothing for a special event a work of art. Especially when Kurt was known for his love of vintage ware. I think he'd really have been stunned and enthused by that decision. Jade and Lavender. I even wrote a song about that outfit directed to him.... A jade sweater with that perfect lavender collar coming over it... and the whole set even matched his choice of lavender. It was such a romantic show that night -- MTV'S Unplugged."
Phoenix-Cobain also plans on taking the priviledge of using the last name Cobain from the rights of Courtney Love and her spawn Frances Bean. "That marriage and baby was a sham and something Kurt never wanted which he makes it clear in two other particular lyrics he wrote to me, in one he states: "I love you for what I'm not, I do not want what I've got", and another which is way more harsh to describe his true thoughts on the pregnancy where he refers to the baby as a pet virus... he states:
"I won myself my own pet virus, I get to pet and name her. My milk is her shit, her shit is my milk". "He had a thing about milk... he also loaded up Courtney's album Live Through This with milk references which makes it clearly obvious that he wrote it as well. It's actually my favorite album out of all of his.... it sounds like something from the 80's classics as big as the Ramones... the song Violet. OH MY GOD it rocks. It has one of my favorite lines out of all his directed to someone like Courtney then someone like him and I. "Might last a day.... MINE IS FOREVER."
I know he meant that in reference to his love for me Mine is Forever. Well so is mine and I mean business with these lyrics and her deceit. I can't imagine she actually went through with recording that album when he had such ballsy statements in there attacking her such as starting the line off with:
"I will awake Your Highness. I am so high I cannot walk, I will awake...." He was clearly referring to the three times the lethal dose of heroin that actually killed him before the gunshot blast... how on earth was he aware of what was in store?? He finishes it off with directing this bitter statement right to her: "You cripple, you take away my time, my peace, my empathy." I mean these are the exact lyrics and she goes ahead and sings them and THEN calls the album HER WORK.
There are almost a dozen references in that album directed to me as well, including one of my favorite versus that describes our feelings about the whole relationship as well as putting Courtney at the scene of the crime again, he writes "bitter you, bitter me, my better "half" has bitten me, bitter you bitter me, sleeping with my enemy".
And my favorite part of the whole album is the conclusion where Kurt bluntly signs it with the last song entitled Rock Star... it starts off: "When I went to school, when I went to school, when I went to school .... in Olympia.... " Everyone on earth knows that Kurt was the one who went to school in Washington. Courtney fluttered around in Europe for a time and a little in Oregon. But never Olympia.
There is even a photograph that puts an explanation point on the fact that he was reassuring me that he did in fact write Hole's Live Through this album just in case I had any doubts, he took a photograph of his head sticking up through a piece of wood, looking me straight in the eye (as usual) surrounded by a bunch of doll heads, referring to the hit single, "Doll Parts". I love that song too. I love to perform it. If Courtney did write any of those songs, it would be that one, and Ms. World.
In Ms. World she boldly states so sincerely "I'm that girl you know, who can't look you in the eye. I lie and lie and lie. I've made my bed now I'll lie in it" I guess she decided to help him out with that confession. But I still don't think his record company and David Geffen are in the clear either. They stood to earn a LOT of money from his death too. And there is also a line on Kurt's In Utero album that states: "You don't have to fire me because I quit. Throw me in the fire and I won't throw a fit."
And get this, when I call Geffen records to drop the bomb on them, turns out David Geffen quit the whole music industry, leaves his own company and joins the head of movies at Dreamworks directly after Kurt's death. So right there shows motive -- change of occupation. The HEAD of a company like Dreamworks that Steven Spielberg owns?? Right off the bat?? Someone came into some money... I'm in the movie business myself as a writer/producer and director and I know what type of investment it takes to invest in movies. So Dave Geffen basically kills my husband, runs of with a shit load of his money and starts the movie career I was meant to have from my HUSBAND'S funding!!!
They were all so scared. Even Geffen. Still to this date, NIRVANA is the biggest artist they've ever produced. If Kurt was getting ready to leave the band, like he was... they all stood to lose so much.
Kurt was out of there, Geffen knew it, so did his "wife" at the time and they couldn't stand it. He was their bread and butter, their prize and glory. I still know hands down that that "suicide" note they threw on the scene was nothing more than Kurts ACTUAL retirement letter so he could either scour the country for me, or embrace another type of music writing...
Courtney used to say she wrote Doll Parts about Kurt where there are lyrics that are insulting.... "Bad skin... big veins", if he wrote that to insult her as well she really is brain dead to perform it so crassly. I think she is an insult to music. She shows absolutely no enthusiasm or passion when performing.
Kurt may have not had that much passion and enthusiasm either, but that's because he was on a mission. Love ment everything to him. Soulmate love. That's it for me and him. That is everything to us. And as much as I needed him, he needed me even more. He writes in one song on Hole's Live Through This: "Your hungry but I'm STARVING" . Yeah he needed me bad. This story is way more mysterious and interesting than even we let on to believe. He knew things that were particular to me that he couldn't possibly have known to ensure me that it was in fact ME he was talking about.
I'm starting to see visions of memories flash before my eyes. Like I know what the inside of his... i mean OUR mansion looks like. It's like I was really supposed to be back there with him at this age, 34, to his 27 back in 94, instead of here in 2013. I am hearing quotes in my head of Kurt saying things like "I miss my wife"... referring to ME not "Courtney" Who to me is just a "floozy" he slept with while I'm away, trapped here. It's like a conspiracy. I am considering going to that Harvard library in Boston and DEMANDING the REAL photographs of what Kurt went through. If you look online they are just studio promo shots. Nothing about his real struggles as a rock star.
I am seeing visions of crying yelping and all kinds of things from how much pain he was in, possibly being away from me. "He misses his wife??" For all I know I really was a famous personality that people knew and loved and considered me a couple with him. I am a big activist with my brother, River too. I know that much. I am the missing link of the 90's -- what us three would have become if I were to go back where I belong. Kurt wouldn't have died... River wouldn't have died. We would have ruled the world as the golden trio. If I were to go back now Courtney would just step aside and it'd be like, "Here we are honey. Now our lives can begin." No picture of seeing Kurt's sneaker in the window of our house. His dead body. No seeing pictures of my brother River in a box.
The family who "raised" me means nothing to me any more. The only thing that matters is going back home to my bed next to Kurt and my brother River who also died horribly at 23 because I wasn't there. I must find a portal... time machine... something. So we can live happily ever after.
There are a lot of things that are being held secretive about his death. A LOT. I heard from one gentleman that there was actually a suicide tape recorded that aired on MTV after his death that sounded like Kurt's voice SCREAMING OVER AND OVER "I HATE MYSELF AND I WANNA DIE!!!"
I have tried my damnest to find out if this tape actually exists for my own benefit. If it was really that bad for him for whatever reasons, I need to know, I hope to god it wouldn't have to do with me "rejecting" him because that wasn't the case at all. But if this tape does exist and I live through hearing it... it would kill me too.
I know Kurt had some issues with his mother's lack of love, which surprisingly still isn't there after his death. All she had to say about it is; "Hmm... he's gone and joined that twenty-seven club now...." Wow, what remorse. She seems to be more on Courtney's side. Cunts and whores usually stick together.
As for his bastard-child daughter... she seems to be in love with him. If I have to see one more doctored photo online of them next to each other looking like a couple I will lose it. I am sick of her and Courtney riding on Kurt's coattails all these years with the last name Cobain. I am putting an end to that!
I keep a public journal online entitled Letters To Kurt that has been around for going on four years now.... it tracks all the things I've done such as dozens of letters I've written to Seattle's Mayor in regards to having the murder case and investigation reopened to my journey up to Aberdeen where Kurt was born and Seattle to post flyers on the street to the police department regarding having the case reopened.
I am sick of all my efforts going unnoticed and I am ready to let others know that I am out here, that Kurt truly did have a REAL LOVE in his life and not just the scoundrel Courtney. And I'm sick of all of Kurt's efforts going unnoticed as well. The pictures he took for me look like something straight out of a movie like Momento, and the love he shared for me is unbelievable. I'm sure he would have wanted people to know my name as well. I would love to find that portal and bring back a big sack of cash from Geffen and say "Come on baby! Get outta there... no more Nirvana... here's the money. Now write something that really inspires you since you did so much work warning me and letting me know what happens... now you can relax and write a heartfelt ballad or two.
I believe this article would be a good fit for a TIME Cover Story because it defines a relationship that has never existed. It deals with true soulmates, different time and dimensions and the beautiful concept of how two people from two different era's can have true love for one another and express it through lyrics and photos without ever meeting. Better than Romeo and Juliet when a murder case is involved as well. Two real star-crossed lovers. Spin it that way.
Please contact Rose Phoenix-Cobain at this address or at phone number urgently for the full story that has gone on long enough with no attention!!!
Thanks.
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