Dear Kurt,
I'll be thirty-two on August 14th, and my parents are still impossible to talk to. My mom lives in la-la land who equates joining a group (preferably a CHURCH one) to living my career dreams. And my dad.... well... if we speak of anything other than the weather -- then the conversation gets too heated too quick.
I know you've had similar family problems growing up... only your parents were divorced at a young age, and surprisingly, I often wish that of my parents because then they would both be easier to talk to -- separately. Now it's always a case of "Them" against "Me", and my mom defends my dad as if he's Jesus on the fucking cross.
But enough about me.... I'm half way through your journal entries and I've just finished the letter you wrote to your father.
Very beautiful. Very touching. and very puzzling under the circumstances.
In this letter... with utmost conviction, you state how profound the responsibility you have taken on in regards to becoming a father. This is also made even more respectable, because in earlier entries of yours you have no qualms about ranting at length and often about your pro-abortion stance.
In this letter to your father.... you go on in grave detail about how... through thick and thin, through divorce, and even if you and your wife end up hating each other... you will make it your ultimate goal in life and do what ever it takes to provide for Frances. You will ensure to her, that you love her a million times more than yourself.
Your mission of this letter, is to prove to your father that you will be twice the man he was by being there for your own child, the way he wasn't there for you.
Now, I can't think for the life of me -- why anyone with these morals and intentions -- would just... a year later... put a gun in their mouth -- and pull the trigger.
And you didn't. Did you? If i could only be Marty McFly for one moment, and jump into by Delorean and go back to that fateful moment with my cellphone camera. Yeah... if you think things were becoming ridiculous in the late 80's with technology.... I don't think you'd survive the New World of the New Millennium. It is in a word -- depressing.
I will be writing a scene in my script where you write this letter to your father. Overlaying the dialogue with visuals. And people will know how you really felt about staying in the world and being there for your daughter.
Not the portrayal that the media gave based on a million lies.
I now know how much you hated the lying journalists of the world. And again. I'm so sorry she took your beautiful life away. Your daughter recently turned seventeen. And she has your eyes.
Peace.... Love.... Empathy,
Justice Seeker.
"The thought of losing my baby haunts me every day. I'm even a bit unnerved to take her in the car in fear of getting into an accident. I swear that if I ever find myself in a similar situation than you've been in, i.e. a divorce, then I will fight to my death to keep the right to provide for my child.
I'll go out of my way to remind her that I love her more than I love myself. Not because it's a father's duty, but because I want to out of love. And if Courtney and I end up hating each other's guts we will be adult and responsible enough to be pleasant to one another when our child is around." -- Kurt Cobain
p.s. I can't help but remember the 'pleasantries' that Courtney showed the world on April 5th, 1994.
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