The year was 1991... the most exciting thing going on in music was Color Me Bad. Michael Jackson's Thriller was number one on the Billboard Charts. Then out of nowhere a sweet, green musician from Aberdeen Washington by the name of Kurt Cobain releases his debut album Nevermind under his band named Nirvana for a girl he never knew and his hit Smells Like Teen Spirit makes history when it knocks Jackson's Thriller off of the number one spot holding for the longest consecutive weeks ever.
This is his story...
PHOTOS, LYRICS and MUSIC bring together LOVERS from a different TIME.
"And Nirvana was no more...."
(CONT'D)
Regardless of where Cobain stood with his band, Infy is pretty sure that Cobain's wife at the time, Love, caught wind that there was another woman on his mind when he went to file for divorce... and his record company was awaiting a signature for another four year contract and a few more albums with Nirvana, but Cobain's interest lied in exploring different music genres -- including solo work, so he refused.
The source of the contract which didn't sit too well with David Geffen and CO. the pressure was really on Cobain to stay involved, but with a lot on his mind and in his heart, he was ready to get out of the whole world that surrounded him. He had plans to record with R.E.M and head 'up and down the East Coast' to follow one of his 'favorite bands'.
Infy often wanders if this was to be his first attempt to locate her. Although she was still a minor at that time... she believes their starcrossed-lover story is a classic tale of being born at the wrong time. She believes Cobain was playing to her at the age of thirty-two in 2010 when she began studying his lyrics and pictures rather than him playing to her as the sixteen year old she was at the time to his twenty-six in '93.
Although Cobain's first hit, "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was a high school-style parody that he clearly sent out as a salutation to get her attention as she attended high school -- with the opening line: "She's overboard and self-assured" and the following line: "Oh no, I know a dirty word" was a reference to how young she was at the time. And the famous chorus: "Hello Hello Hello How-lo" was a jab at her for not taking notice.
And the ultra famous scream: "MY LIBIDO!" can all but be heard all the way across the country as he cries for the girl who becomes the woman he'll love until the end. But Infy says not to be too envious of their connection, that it was actually God's doing attaching their souls together in such an intense way that to be with another single individual intimately in any way would be wrong.
Another line made famous by the song "Lithium: "I'm so horny, that's okay my will is good..." Expresses Cobain's needs once again for her and only her. Staying on the topic of this hit song.. Infy says it worries her due to its context regarding hearing voices and 'finding God'. She first began hearing voices in her head at 32, one of them claimed to be Kurt, and another claimed to be God. At any rate, her and Cobain were told all kinds of stories by 'God', that if she were to commit suicide, she would be teleported to a different dimension where Cobain was still alive so they could be together.
Cobain sings with enthusiasm regarding finding his "friends" in his head, and how he's 'so excited'... 'to meet her there...' and also that 'he's not scared' because he "lights his candles" cause he's "found God". This stuns Infy to a point where she is terrified that if Cobain's suicide was legitimate, she fears that he was duped into believing he would go directly to where she was, say 2012, once he pulled the trigger. She can imagine him being that romantic and needy of her presence, but she can't imagine him being that gullible.
Infy ruminates over the one incident in Rome where he overdosed on some pills and ended up in the hospital. It makes her wander sometimes if he was just trying to see her... or if his heart really was just strictly broken. He states in one song off of Hole's Live Through This album, "You're hungry, but I'm STARVING"... proving that he was in even more need to be with her than she was to be with him. But in the end, she is 95% sure based on all Cobain's clues that he was murdered.
She has also feared, based on all the pictures where the need was apparent in his eyes and there for her to discover, she wanders if he thought she was actually grown and present in the early 90's rather than just a high school kid, and so when she never actually showed up at one of his shows -- he got tired of waiting and became more and more heart-broken, that he couldn't handle it any longer.
Can you imagine that?
Discovering you had a husband in a different time period that was waiting for you to return, and twenty years later, you find out that he blew his brains out from the waiting?? When I saw that picture in the window of
Kurt's tennis shoe in that greenhouse, I knew I was connected... it broke my heart.
Things were suppose to be different for us. He created that band for me, but he never got to enjoy it because
I wasn't there. I was suppose to be there... and because I wasn't... he just looked at it like a job. He would have been the happiest show-boating band leader out there if I were in that front row watching him. He was suppose to be much bigger... much more famous... and everyone would have known us as a couple -- there goes Kurt and Infy Cobain... I always wanted my little, blonde rock star. Well looks like I got him. He came to earth for me. It was like I invented him. Even his name Kurt Cobain I adore. But it took me a while to fall for him because of the hypocritical part of him.
I always saw myself as the real Kurt Cobain. I fear our souls were switched at birth. And he knew about it too. My favorite lyric he wrote to me reads: "I love you for what I'm not, I do not want what I've got." He reduced his whole existence and worth to "a blanket acne'd with cigarette burns."
He never cared about that success. It didn't make him happy. Only love could. I just wish I could have been there to give him a hug and kiss. But now I'll never have that chance. 'God' says there is a portal in Griffith Park in L.A. A portal back to the past. I'd love to fall through that and find him. Give him that hug and kiss. I doubt that really exists... in the meantime I am still going to focus on suing Dave Geffen and Geffen Records for all my pain and suffering.
I love him for what I'm not... and he deserves more than what he got. He was, after all, the trailblazer for the 90's grunge movement. And for that, he rocks. Have you seen his performance during MTV's Live and Loud that took place in '93? He had the power to create a historic mosh pit. When he hollers for all of the fans to come up on stage... the floor turns into a mountain of people diving and jumping. He was a real hero. A true rock star. I love him madly.
This is radio friendly unit shifter over and out.
*article written and contributed by Infy Cobain. Infy Cobain lives in Los Angeles and works as a screenwriter, singer and artist.
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