*The following thoughts were prompted from his mind into mine during an imagined scenario together that we do often with each other of his true wife (me) appearing out of the blue at one of his live performances to surprise him. He was well aware of who I was and I'm next to sure that when I see that wedding ring on his finger during these shows that it signifies me and not Courtney.
Kurt's actual thoughts when he see's me:
"Oh my god. She's so beautiful. She's so beautiful. oh my god she's so beautiful. I'm never going to kill myself now. She's so beautiful. I'm so disgusting. I know she loves me. She's so beautiful. oh my god she's so beautiful".
But.... it was still murder as far as I know according to the lyrics!
I love you baby. YOU are beautiful. Not disgusting.
That was a sad night when I heard those thoughts in my head. I had a feeling.... don't judge a book by it's cover or its "written" suicide note. There are all kinds of demons hidden inside someone who would never mention or share these things to the harsh public in an actual suicide note.
*These thoughts, and dialogue took place during the Live and Loud performance at the end of '93, just five months before Kurt's body was discovered.
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