If only...

Dear Kurt,

I often fantasize about going back in time to 1992 and living there forever. In this daydream... I imagine strolling into a random bar in Seattle. I see you standing, casually leaning against the counter -- ordering a drink.

A lot of the reports after the Rome incident said you didn't "drink" at all. But the actual truth is you don't drink Champagne. Anyone who read your journal knows that you boasted many a time about your drunkeness. One particular time stands out when you were in L.A playing a gig, and you drank so much that you had to run from the stage to vomit!

Such a fun memory.

But there you are. Sweet, quiet and alone at the bar... You have one of your adorable hats on and your hair is tangled. In a word -- breath-taking.

I slowly approach you and my memory still contains every detail from the current time in 92 all the way to 2011.

God. 2011. That still looks so bizarre to me. I still cannot fathom where the time has gone...

I approach you with a knowing look. And you look at me a little curious... And I reach out taking your hand in mine... Just taking your hand. You let me. And I say so calmly, so soothingly...

"Come with me. Just come with me..."

And I lead you toward the door. You let me.

We exit, and you don't question, you just follow... I turn to you as we walk... And I say,

"Please stay with me. You need to stay with me. Please".

And I guard you with my life. Years pass. And you live on. And on. And on.

God. You live on. And it is now 2011. And the world is now beautiful because you're in it. And here you are... Alive. Well.

If only...

Love. Always.